Confession Night

It was definitely odd waking up to find myself worrying over how much free time I had to spare this morning that I actually took a moment to take it all in – the fact that I am supposed to chill and enjoy every bit of my holiday. I suppose it's one of the things we all have in common despite what stage of life we're at, that change is always constant. Children have to adjust to new schools, adults must learn how to deal with careers while I, on the other hand, have to adapt to a new sleeping pattern. I just need to learn to make this transition less anxiety-ridden. How dramatic.

1. It’s unusually dark and gloomy outside its making me turn into a ball of glum. Everyone at home is feeling rather lethargic too, minding their own business. Now would be the perfect time to play the sappiest sad songs on my playlist to go with the theme tonight, being the emo-nemo that I am.

2. Growing up, I have always been the no-nonsense type of girl. So serious, so bookish and so boring unlike my sisters who are always oh so lively, full of energy and certainly fun to hang out with. I was always thinking too much, so afraid of being vulnerable that it sucked the life out of me. Little did I know that being flexible doesn’t make one weak.

3. I still think too much though. I didn’t realise how bad it was until my English and Calculus lecturers pointed it out to me just recently. 

4. "You're like a 40-year-old man trapped in a young girl’s body,” said Daddy to me. He made it a point to tell me that I was a lot more mature than some of the people who are way older than I am. It’s just that I get along much better with adults that I typically do with people my own age. I know how to take things seriously but I know how to have fun too.  

5. Anyway, I took the My Mental Age Test for confirmation and yup, I’m 40 alright. 

6. Do you think I'm a stuffy bore yet?

7. I am petite, scrawny and turning the big 20 in three months’ time yet often mistaken for anywhere between 12 to 14-year-old (trust me; I am not exaggerating on this). People when given the chance to know me better would tell me I’m an “old soul”. Oh the irony of it all. 

8. I was a “late bloomer”. You and I both know that it’s just a nice way of saying that I had a flat chest for much longer than most of the girls of my age. I have always thought to myself that I would never hit puberty considering that everyone I knew had budding bosom, having boyfriends, talking about makeup and boy-bands. I just didn’t share the same particular interest you see. I refuse to give myself the opportunity to feel. 

9. Speaking of makeup, I was one of the girls who absolutely hated wearing them in every single form. I love fashion and clothes and I am blessed to have a fashionable mum who treats her daughters like Barbie dolls – but makeup wasn’t really my thing. I was so naïve about it and I thought it was downright awful to see it as a security blanket for some of my girls because it made them insecure to leave the house without applying any. But now that I’m older and “blooming”, I understand that it’s all perception. I find it absolutely feminine and I’m starting to enjoy the art of it as well. Enhancing your natural beauty wouldn’t hurt. But girls, take note that you are beautiful barefaced or not. *sending love and good vibes*

10. I feel that high school is so much just a pothole on life’s highway. Everything seemed so important at that point of time, but when it’s all over is when I realised that the truly important parts of our lives are just beginning. I’m glad I enjoyed it while it lasted.