Word Vomit

I made this blog to reflect who I actually am and it is safe to say that I am officially an emotional wreck. It sure is funny how I seem to write best when I am emotionally unstable and unfortunately, I’ve got another set of depressing train of thoughts coming up tonight.

I don’t post anything upbeat on my blog anymore – not to say that nothing has been happening, I just couldn’t find time for anything at all nowadays. I feel like I owe it to you guys to tell you why it took me weeks to post anything again but well, sometimes, life gets in the way of things.

First off, I haven’t felt like myself a lot lately and I feel like I can’t make excuses for it. Truth be told, I was actually refraining myself from sharing my thoughts because I thought if I were to reveal my authentic self, the possibility of being misunderstood or judged would be even higher. But who am I kidding? It only perpetuates the pain I try to avoid as I try to protect myself. I don’t know if I’m stressed or depressed but one thing’s for sure is that I’m definitely not dealing with it in the positive way I should be.

I’ve been feeling down on life, on myself – all gloomy in general – and I still can’t quite figure out why. How can someone so young be so unhappy? I don’t know, really, all this uncertainty is driving me bonkers. I need answers to these questions but I also need courage to march confidently into the unknown in search of them.

Yes, nothing in life is ever constant. There is neither absolute happiness nor absolute sadness. I just need to alter my expectation of constant contentment in hopes of feeling better. There must be a way for me to beat these blues. The obvious first step though, is convincing me to step out of my comfort zone.

I’m lost and I’m struggling. I don’t want to just exist, I want to live. I refuse to cower in the comfort of my routines. Get me out of this rut I’m stuck in. I don’t want to be held back nor anchored down.

What I need is a breath of fresh air.

So who’s up for an adventure or two?